Halloween 2012

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Given that last year on Halloween I feigned madness I decided this year to embrace it. It was either that or provide a double tap to my own skull (hey, don't knock trepanation until you've tried it) and since there are too many people that need me to pay their bills I'm forced to keep the mortal coil unshuffled as it were. 

So once again as darkness fell I donned my traditional garb, turned on the porch light, and sat down in the entry to wait. 

It didn't take long. When the bell rang I threw open the door and before the assembled fiends could say anything I shouted

"Knock! Knock!" leering, as they collectively stepped backwards - taking it all in - the underwear, the tattered bathrobe, the clenched fists. 

The spittle.

"KNOCK! KNOCK!"

Given that American children are remarkably well trained in this particular form of challenge/response the greedy charlatans quickly overcame their discomfort and shouted back

"Who's there?" Hopeful. Tentative.

"Aha!" I cried. Accusing. Stabbing a quivering and gnarled index finger at the sky and making them jump.

"WRONG ANSWER!" and then I would slam the door and snap off the light. 

I did this routine for about an hour, and it was quite satisfying as you might imagine, but the little devils just kept coming and I grew weary. I had to do something different, and in a move surprising to myself I began to behave in a very unexpected manner.

Instead of providing a baffling and moderately depraved glimpse into the horror and depth of the human condition I decided to just go along to get along. As the screechy little monsters called out "Trick or Treat!" I would coo over them, offering them candy and traditional platitudes like I've seen other adults do on TV. 

"Oh what a cute little witch!" I would say throwing freshly wrapped little candies into their outstretched hands, and "Oh my, how adorable, what are you supposed to be little friend?" 

As their cheerful little upturned faces lit up with gratitude and pleasure I found that I was quite enjoying myself...

It's over now; they've all gone home. But I'm all conflicted and stuff. Where's the joy? The terror? 

What is to become of me?