Life's Little Lessons:

I had a friend that owned a poker playing chimpanzee. The chimp's name was Austin. Austin could beat just about everybody I knew at the game, because Austin was the best damn cheater I've ever seen. He palmed, counted, and bluffed like a pro. Once he even put his cigar out on a mans hand to distract him. He was an asshole monkey, but he was our asshole monkey and he was worth a gold mine!

Sadly, in the end, he died in a car accident. He wasn't driving but he had been drinking. I still miss him...

Moral of the story:
The only thing cooler than a poker playing chimp is a belligerent poker playing chimp who cheats!